so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
