you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
