Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
