I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
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