That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
