well you can't waste a boner
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
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