I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize