i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
