somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There r osticjed everywhere
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
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