Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize