# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
don't judge my taste in strippers
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
