Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
