she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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