He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
