Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
