i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
