New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
