so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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