How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize