I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
