i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
