everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
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