Do you still have your period?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
