Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize