at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
