is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
