He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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