my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Semen is not good for contacts.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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