why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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