Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
