I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
you had me at cake vodka
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
