clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
