So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
