Please, let me fuck your mom
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
