If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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