I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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