he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
