I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
