i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
