Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
In other news, I just burned my penis
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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