I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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