am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
