Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Randomize
