Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
you traded sex for a burrito?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Come see our sink grown plant.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
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