Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
