there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Randomize
