No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize