I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
