I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
