I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
