haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I just found puke in my bra..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
