Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
She announced her abortion via fbk
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Randomize
