I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
