i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
