you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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