I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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