Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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