Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
