38 yer olds are good kisserssss
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
