I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
