She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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