but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
