I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize