I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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