it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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