Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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