i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
