Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He passed out mid-signature
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
