Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
it's like iHOP with fire
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
